Shardae Carter shared their story and experiences with us recently and you can find our conversation below.
Good morning Shardae , it’s such a great way to kick off the day – I think our readers will love hearing your stories, experiences and about how you think about life and work. Let’s jump right in? What is something outside of work that is bringing you joy lately?
I would have to highlight my new found gym community. I recently joined a community gym that offers different fun workout classes. I get a chance to stay in my bubble or not. I love that I get to embrace getting healthy in a fun and interactive way.
Can you briefly introduce yourself and share what makes you or your brand unique?
I have coined myself as being the Grief Relief Strategiest because I help adults throughout the state of Maryland learn healthy and effective tools to manage their grief symptoms. As a motherless child, I have experienced grief at a very early age. I know how and what it feels like to be the only person in the neighborhood who doesn’t have a mom at home to cook them dinner, help them with the homework or teach them about all the fun girly things. As a therapist, I get a chance to emphasize, hold space for others while also teach them effective skills to normalize life after loss.
Appreciate your sharing that. Let’s talk about your life, growing up and some of topics and learnings around that. What did you believe about yourself as a child that you no longer believe?
As a child, I believe I needed to be just like my mother. Because my mother passed when I was still a child, and so many people told me I looked just like her, I began to feel a sense of obligation to continue being what I thought she was for some many people. I remember actually finding myself going through the anger phase of grief because I would get upset that my mother passed and left me with such huge shoes to fill. In actuality it was never my job to be her. I honestly didn’t learn that until I became a mom and I felt my world had drastically changed. That shift from being a woman to being a mother finally clicked for me. I finally realized and gave myself permission to be Shardae and not Tonya. The pressure to be my mother to help other people feel better in their grief was a choice and not an obligation. I am very clear of the distinction now and I encourage anyone who feels that same level of responsibility to free themselves. Grant yourself the freedom to just be you!
If you could say one kind thing to your younger self, what would it be?
If I could say one thing to my younger self, I would definitely encourage her to embrace everything about being me. Don’t feel embarrassed about any part of yourself or your story. You are beautifully crafted and made up of everything that makes you unique. Some day you will be able to use everything in you to make a difference in the lives of someone else.
Alright, so if you are open to it, let’s explore some philosophical questions that touch on your values and worldview. What truths are so foundational in your life that you rarely articulate them?
A big truth that is so foundational in my life is the importance of time and creating memories. I believe creating long lasting memories are priceless and are always at the core of what I do on a day to day basis. With that being said, I try to ensure my daughter and I create countless memories together on a consistent basis no matter how big or small the memory might be. I understand that this is so instrumental because it helps to foster a secure and healthy attachment between caregiver and child. Although my mother passed away so long ago, every now and again I get glimmers of funny memories that we created together and it always cheers me up instantly.
Thank you so much for all of your openness so far. Maybe we can close with a future oriented question. When do you feel most at peace?
Ohhhh I love this question. I have to say I feel most at peace being near a beautiful body of water; it can be a lake, waterfall, beach or swimming pool. Being near water with a good book and a nice refreshing drink is my idea of peace. I also feel peaceful when taking a nice long uninterrupted walk on a flat surface, listening to my favorite podcast/ playlist. I try to take walks at least 2 times a week to help my day get started before tackling a long day of sessions.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://dae2daecounseling.com/
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