Today we’d like to introduce you to Julie Skolnick.
Hi Julie, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
I am the parent of three gifted and distractible children, or as the literature states – twice exceptional/2e children. As I was raising my kids, I was encouraged to “diagnose and fix” or focus on deficits – after all, I was told, when my kids demonstrated intense behaviors, you can’t reward such behaviors. For three years I studied deficits and diagnoses. I found the glass was half empty and a lot of what I learned about ADHD had to do with all the trouble my kids would get into, how disappointed I’d be, and how they wouldn’t reach their “potential.” Once I started to focus on their strengths, and their gifts, I realized leaning on their passions and abilities was a much better approach to solving challenges or shoring up struggles. In 2014 I founded my service, With Understanding Comes Calm, LLC and my tag line at the time was “Supporting Parents of Gifted and Distractible Kids.” I created a process for parents to go through, my “Cycle for Success,” that begins with a deep understanding of the profile as well as your child specifically – always debunking unhelpful myths about giftedness – I follow with strategies that are strength-based and focused on relationship building, and finally I help parents devise a way to “craft their child’s story” to help others understand the complex layers that make up a 2e child.
I started writing a blog a month in 2014 and soon adults started reaching out because they saw themselves in my writing. They couldn’t believe someone understood their emotional intensity and deep desire for empathy and morality. Once adults reached out asking for support, I created a method for guiding and supporting them to find personal and professional fulfillment – using the Cycle for Success.
Finally, schools, districts, and principals started contacting me asking if I could help their teachers understand and address the twice exceptional profile in their classrooms. This is when I devised my half day teacher training – part entertainment, part workshop, part support group, and all inspirational learning with real strategies teachers can implement immediately in their classrooms.
In 2018 I produced my first online conference for parents – before zoom was really a thing – and after that online conferences for teachers and 2e adults followed.
I’ve created Empowerment Groups and memberships and currently host the Gifted and Distractible Course and Community for Parents, the Haystack membership for 2e adults (because finding a peer who gets you is like looking for a needle in a haystack), and I continue to train teachers in-person and virtually.
In 2023 my book came out, Gifted and Distractible: Understanding, Supporting, and Advocating for Your Twice Exceptional Child (Penguin Random House) and has sold over 28,000 copies and was recently published in Arabic.
My goal has been and always is to spread the word about this complex population and the truth is that best practices for 2e people are best practices for all people. Using a strength based lens, I incorporate strategies to deepen relationships and teach clear, compassionate communication.
Would you say it’s been a smooth road, and if not what are some of the biggest challenges you’ve faced along the way?
My work is fulfilling. I work directly with clients to move them toward goals for their children, their students, and their adult selves. The hardest part is getting the word out there to all the people who need to know about it. I provide a free newsletter, “Gifted and Distractible,” we are everywhere on social media and have a robust substack following, and I publish a free monthly vlog on YouTube. Still, we receive emails that say, “I wish I found you sooner!” Or, “I stumbled across a post of yours – I had never heard of 2e and it describes me (or my child) perfectly!”
It’s also challenging as a small business to hire an effective team. Having people who work with you who get the importance of the work is priceless. We are told weekly that we’ve changed someone’s life for the better and that is a privilege and a blessing of this work.
Thanks for sharing that. So, maybe next you can tell us a bit more about your business?
I work directly with parents, 2e adults, and teachers in person or virtually from around the world. My clients are from every background, and their children or students are ages 2 to 18 and adult clients are everywhere from 18 to early 70s. I don’t think anyone approaches this work the way I do. I have created my own process that helps my clients to more deeply understand themselves, their children, or their students. I provide strategies not only based on the child but on the adults who are involved. Often parents are themselves 2e – it’s genetic – so I take into account strengths and struggles of my parent clients to ensure that their approach is successful. Once we identify goals – we methodically chip away at how to achieve those goals. Whether my clients are coming to me for themselves or their child/student, we develop a plan and they practice the skills I teach them. Between every session I provide what’s call the PMN or Post Meeting Notes. These are my informal notes about what we spoke about. They may include a script to help with communication, or a skill to practice, an approach, or a way to strengthen executive functioning skills and increase productivity. People frequently ask me what I call myself – am I a coach? I don’t love that term – I feel what I do reaches beyond coaching. I often help clients manage multiple professionals they are working with and help them to cut through the noise to see a path forward. I’m delighted when I receive a holiday card from a client I stopped working with a decade ago. It’s so wonderful that they want to keep me posted on the progress of their family.
I can’t really choose just one thing I’m particularly proud of because I really find everything I do so fulfilling. My days are filled with consulting, speaking, and creating new outside-the-box ways for clients to reach their goals. But I will highlight a couple of gems that way surpassed my wildest imagination. First, The Haystack membership for 2e adults. This monthly membership brings together adults from around the world – professionals, retirees, and even graduate students to deeply explore our monthly theme through an expert interview we share, articles, and three live meetings on zoom. The membership highly values this time together – especially the small break out rooms when they get to have intimate communication with each other when they laugh, cry, share their deep existential thoughts, and nod their heads emphatically as it’s all so relatable. 2e adults who may have been masking their entire lives take their masks off in the haystack.
The Gifted and Distractible course and community for parents – was an effort to walk parents through my book, Gifted and Distractible. I created four sets of webinars – each webinar highly accessible – from six to twenty-five minutes long (with one webinar lasting fifty minutes because it covers several strategies). We meet live four times and not only do we dive deeply into the material, but parents get to normalize their experience and receive and give support to one another. They receive a workbook and really work through issues and see real change in their families.
My half-day training for educators and administrators is magical. I’ve trained groups from 40 to 500 – and this highly engaging and interactive training hits a home run every time. I remember the first time I provided this training – it was for a group of seasoned gifted coordinators who had been teaching an average of thirty years. I thought to myself, “what am I going to teach them that they don’t know?” Afterwards the overwhelming response as they lined up for me to sign their copy of my book, was – “We were never taught this! Thank you for helping us understand!”
On the one hand it’s exhilarating to teach new material to incredible teachers from gen ed to special ed to gifted ed. But there’s a tinge of sadness that at this stage in late stage career educators, that the hadn’t been taught to deeply understand what lies behind it beneath behavior but have always focused first and foremost on reacting to behavior. One of my messages is to be curious – behavior is communication and it’s fa more important to understand what lies beneath behavior – because then you have a chance at solving a problem rather than trying to stop the behavior in the moment.
What does success mean to you?
The feedback I get from clients, attendees to my courses, memberships, or master classes. At one recent Haystack meeting, we welcomed new members and I invited “old” members to introduce themselves and say where they live in the world. Without my prompting or requesting, every member talked about the importance of the Haystack to them personally – to their personal growth and to their self worth. Since I believe the golden key is self love – hearing these members talk about the fulfillment they get from our Haystack membership and the desire to come every month – it made my heart sing.
I also LOVE the “tough cookie” in the crowd. Whether it’s the resistant parent, the finger tapping teacher who thinks she’s just checking a box by attending a training, or the exhausted professional who doesn’t “see a way out.” When one of these attitudes enters my orbit, I make it my mission to lift them out of their malaise and inspire them to make changes.
Pricing:
- Free 20 minute phone consultation: https://calendly.com/julieskolnick/20min
- The Haystack $57/month
- The Gifted and Distractible Parent Community: $27/month
- Consulting – my hourly rate
Contact Info:
- Website: https://www.withunderstandingcomescalm.com/
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/julieskolnick/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/withunderstandingcomescalm
- LinkedIn: Julie Rosenbaum Skolnick
- Twitter: @JulieSkolnick
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@JulieSkolnick
- Substack: https://substack.com/@julieskolnick
Image Credits
Sarah Fillman photography for headshots. All others are personally owned.
