Today we’d like to introduce you to Mary England.
Hi Mary, thanks for sharing your story with us. To start, maybe you can tell our readers some of your backstory.
My story, like many, starts with being different. People outside my home noticed my differences in negative ways. People inside my home neglected my differences. Unfortunately the ‘noticing’ didn’t come with assistance or resources, and the ‘neglecting’ didn’t come with acceptance. So the more frustrated and confused I became.
I felt like I was in a constantly chaotic state, both in my body and my environment, and I just wanted to have some sense of control. This bubbled out into additional ways of being different, because my brain was just looking for ways to self-soothe.
Looking back, if we want to ascribed labels to these “differences”, I would call the original difference as Autism and the things that bubbled up as OCD, Tourette’s, Dissociative Fugue, eating disorders, body dysmorphia, panic attacks, Trichotillomania, self-harm, drug addiction, and more.
These self-soothing states got out of control and essentially took over my life. This, combined with my original uniqueness and sensitivity to life (and not having any language or understanding for it), set me up to make poor life decisions with dating, diet, drugs, finances, and more.
What I believe set me up for “making it through” these things are a few factors:
1) I have a core belief that humans are good (still).
2) I have extremely high hopes. This often leads to disappointment, but it can also be coupled into ambition.
3) I have experienced many adversities with relatively high frequency.
In my experience, most people will experience a handful of adversities that are at what they feel is at an 8-10 on their scale of pain.
I started experiencing adversity very young. And while many of them weren’t always at an 8, the frequency of them allowed me to expand my threshold to pain. So even when a 10 comes my way, it kind of feels like a 4 to me.
Many people want to hear about the “one moment” that “changed your life”. I don’t believe there is one moment. I think there are many moments. It’s not as grabby, but it’s more realistic, and therefore, potentially more inspirational.
I remember the last time I ended up face down in a field with my shoes missing and decided I had to do something about my mental health. So I went to Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.
I remember the day I put rainbow paint on my face to go to trauma therapy, scared as hell to have to say his name. It took a year.
I remember the first time I finally saw a shamrock without having a flashback.
I remember the time I quit my job even though I didn’t know if I could make my own business work.
I remember the four times I almost quit my business and didn’t.
I remember the day I opened up the box with my published book.
I remember the first time someone sent me a message to tell me that book changed their life.
I remember the first time my blood work was perfect.
I remember crying in my yard, wondering if I had what it takes to keep going.
I remember how many people showed up for the third annual Scarf Abandonment Event.
I remember the first time I was recognized on the street.
I remember the first time I went a month without doing Ketamine.
I remember sitting down with my mom to ask for an apology and her not being able to physically say the words.
I remember learning what “shadow banned” meant.
I remember not being able to pay my rent.
I remember hiring my first person.
I remember finding out he had a different name and arrest records in other states.
I remember realizing I was mostly on my own with so many decisions, behaviors, and changes.
See, the thing with self-improvement is it’s consistent. It’s not linear. It’s just what you do. It’s consistent changes you make. It’s what you focus on. It’s what you decide to prioritize.
And to me, I want to prioritize “FEELING good to DO good”.
I believe a lot of self-improvement ethos only focus on the feeling good aspects. The “manifesting” good things for themselves element. And then they stop.
My belief is if we stop there, we have failed.
Fill your own cup first, yes. You must. But THEN, you must go back out into the world and help. Spread joy through whatever lens of passion and creativity YOU are good at.
In the Merriment Makers, I teach three different “sections”. Embody Joy, Create Joy, and Spread Joy. How to feel good, how to figure out what you’re good at and make it, and then how to go out and be kind/advocate for what you want to see happen in the world.
I’m also at a point where I’m trying to shift into differentiating the resources for people who are coming to self-improvement because they are deeply struggling versus the people who are interested in self-improvement because they want to maximize their life as it already is. Being on the floor not able to move and wanting to optimize your morning routine are very different mindsets, and it’s difficult to talk to the same audience when there’s really two different topics at play.
Things keep changing. And so do I. But I have been, and will always be — a Merriment Maker.
As you know, we’re big fans of Uncustomary / Merriment Maker. For our readers who might not be as familiar what can you tell them about the brand?
Really, my whole goal is to remind us all (adults) that we didn’t choose to grow up. That it’s difficult. And in order to enjoy this life — we DO have to focus on our own happiness, at least a little. (We also need to know what happiness MEANS to us!) So I’ve made my business about helping overwhelmed humans create happiness habits.
I also want us to inject some fun and play into our world.
So today I have ways to do that through:
Fast and easy services (Good News Texts + Mail Newsletter)
Structured programs (30 Day Reset, Feel Good Troop)
More long-term support (the Merriment Makers Membership or 1:1 Coaching)
Real-world events (Operation Merriment, Merriment Mixer, Bubble Parade)
Physical products (Book, Workbook, Deck, and other fun goodies)
You can also get started for free in the Positive Pulse – Uncustomary.org/Positive-Pulse
Something else I do that makes me fun is guerrilla art. I love making art and leaving it as random acts of kindness, (interactive) street art installations, and public performance art. You can find videos of this on my social media.
And if you’re interested in getting involved, I would recommend checking out Operation Merriment.
Contact Info:
- Website: https://Uncustomary.org
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/merrimentmaker/
- Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/merrimentmaker/
- Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/maryengland
