Today we’d like to introduce you to Patricia Fowler.
Hi Patricia, can you start by introducing yourself? We’d love to learn more about how you got to where you are today?
My story started in 1989 when I met who I thought was the love of my life and the person I would build a future with. He wa the perfect gentleman during these two years. We dated for two (2) years. After that and several proposals, I said yes. At the time I said yes, we had our first son who was 5 months old. We got married in Upper Marlboro, Maryland at the courthouse with my daughter who I had prior to meeting him, our son and his mom and family. No one from my family was there or even knew at the time I was getting married. After we got married, moved into our first place together with our 5 month old and my daughter, Things in our relationship started to change in the way of how he treated me, how he viewed me, how he spoke to me etc. over the next few years we had to more sons. Our relationship started getting strained as he would still live as if he was single staying out on weekends, hanging out with his single friends and more. Over the years I’m not sure when was the first time he got physical with me, but i remember him going out one night and our dog got sick in the house. when he got home, he woke me up arguing and fussing about me not cleaning it up, mind you I was sleep so i did not know. fast forward, things started to get so bad that he would show fits of anger and rage if things did not go as he planned. he was very jealous. if he saw me look in the direction of another man he would accuse me of cheating or wanting that man. He accused me of cheating with one of his friends that he used to bring to our house all the time, which is was not true. he saw me speak to our male neighbor one day and kicked out balcony door out because of it, He used to monitor my coming and going. I was put in a place of isolation with my family and didn’t have any friends. I didn’t see my mother for about 2 years until one day we were getting evicted and i called her for help. Yes, she did help me and did not question or judge me. She still really didn’t know what I was going through, I lived on egg shells for years because I would never know when he would explode, It could happen anywhere, in the car, in the street, at my job he has made scenes. He cheated on my during our marriage and his family knew and supported him. When i found out and said something, I was asked why was I acting like that. I mean I am married to this man, so I had a right to ask. He would sometimes just go off and i tried to do things to prevent that from happening. One day we had a physical altercation and i called the police to report it and got to tell them what was going on and the address but he then pulled the phone out the wall. It was at that point that I knew i had to get away from him or he was going to possibly kill me. I didn’t know what to do because I had not told anyone. One day he was not there when i got home, i took my 3 boys and just left. I left everything behind and didn’t look back. I went to my mothers and stayed until I got on my feet and that was about t3-4 months. After that, he would come to my new place to see the kids and on a couple occasions he tried to intimidate me once by placing a gun on the table. when I left our sons were 1,3, and 5. When they saw their father again they were 16, 18 and 20 and we were in court because he did not want to pay child support all those years. after a few years my oldest son has a relationship with him not my two younger sons. I had forgave him, and myself. he did some years later apologize to me for all that he had done during that time. After I got out and about 12-13 years of therapy and counseling, I felt that I had a mission to help other women and men to avoid any type of abuse. I suffered physical, mental, emotional, financial and spiritual abuse. I dedicated myself to learning as much as I can about Domestic Violence. a couple of years ago I started a non profit organization called Pure Hearts Restored, Inc. that educatuates and provides resources to victims and survivors of. DV. I am a LAP (Lethality Access Program) Advocate with the Prince William County Police Department, I am a Licensed Professional Victims Assistant through Roper Academy Baltimore Criminal Justice. I partner with various organizations throughout the DMV to help others as well. I am also a Licensed and Ordained Minister and I pray with and mentor young women as well.
Can you talk to us a bit about the challenges and lessons you’ve learned along the way. Looking back would you say it’s been easy or smooth in retrospect?
No, it has not been a smooth road. raising four children on my own with no help financially, mentally, emotionally or otherwise. There were days that i did not think I was going to make it. there were days that I did not want to be alive, but looking at my children’s faces that is the one thing that kept me going and prayers. Shortly a few years after my marriage was over, my mother got sick and passed away and at that point I truly didn’t think i had anything to live for. In actuality my children was what kept me alive. I used to think that I would never find love again or have a decent honest relationship. after about 14 years, I let my guard down and got into a relationship with someone that I fell in love with. We dated for two years and it seemed like the perfect relationship, but then he did not have time for me which was a big problem, so I ended it. I oftent hink that I will never find love or get remarried again, but i’m hopeful because I trust in God and if it is meant for me then i know it will happen.
It was also a struggle with my children. my oldest son specifically. He was 5 when i left his dad and they were extremely close. over the years he started to show so much anger and hate towards me for his father not being around. It wasn’t until he was about 14 that I sat him down and showed him court papers that his dad wasn’t around because he didn’t want to pay child support, not because I was keeping them away from their father. He understood but it took us gong to counseling to get there and also him witnessing me in a bad accident where he thought i passed away that finally brought us together as mother and son. Today he is the most loving and caring son and our relationship could not be better,
There were times when money was an issue. I always had a decent job, but having 4 kids sometimes it just wasn’t enough.
Thanks – so what else should our readers know about your work and what you’re currently focused on?
I am an Administrative Specialist on my 9 to 5. I work for the County that I live in and have done so for the last 20 years. All nmy years of work has been in the legal field. I love this type of work.
I am most proud of overcoming all that I have been through from being homeless, loosing parents as an adult, having a surgery go wrong, a child in jail, loosing everything more than once and still am in my right mind and seem to always come through.
I’m also most proud of using something that was so dark and ashy in my life and turn it around to use it to help others so that they do not experience the heartache and trauma that I did, I love sharing my story and then have someone come to me afterwards and say they are glad I did. One at a time to bring someone out or give them the courage to share their experience so they can start their road to recovery.
What sets me apart from others is that my story is my story. Yes, there are many that have experienced domestic violence and have started organizations to help others, but my story is my story. I don’t try to be like anyone else but myself. If I can help someone I do, if I can’t I don’t hav eno problem referring them to other organizations to get help because I don’t do everything and I can’t help everyone, My assignment is specific to specific people. My public speaking is what makes me stand out. When I speak I am speaking from a place of passion and empathy because not only have I been there and done that, but I have been thoroughly trained to support others who are where I was.
What’s next?
My future plans are to continue my advocacy work and go even deeper into helping others. I would love to connect with some organizations to help out more and/or even partner with some to work directly with clients.
I am looking forward to my birthday trip in November to Jamaica for the first time and my after christmas/New Years trip to Paris. I’m looking forward to spending time with my grand children (8), i’m looking forward to more traveling the world and just taking more time for myself.
I would love to have an opportunity to speak at some schools, businesses or places to educate others on Domestic Violence.
Pricing:
- 17.99 Turning a Blind Eye to the Red Flags book
- 13.99 Strength in Her Struggles, book
- 25.00 business T-shirts
- $250, speaker fee
Contact Info:
- Instagram: @pureheartsrestored
- Facebook: Facebook name —– Trisha Fowler
- Other: Tik Tok @minister.patricia3
